I’m physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I actually don’t care anymore, I thought that maybe I should rest or try to relax but my situation has only worsened.
For the past month I have lost the drive to do anything creatively, I’ve lost the drive to do school work, deal with friends, and any other mutual relationships I may have. Everything seems like too much work and I’m not invested in it.
You as a reader might be very confused right now because you can’t quite tell what I’m getting at. I suppose I should give some context. Last month I recently reached the ripe age of sixteen. I had a nice quiet birthday as I usually like it, I spent the time with my parents and everyone was same old, same old. Things went on as they usually did, I got longer hours at work, apparently gained more responsibility, etc. During this time however, somewhere.. something went wrong because my ability to cope with things has abruptly declined and I no longer want to care.
This isn’t good; this isn’t good at all. If I’m not invested in my interpersonal life then I’ll become even more reclusive, soon enough I’ll lose my ability to be functioning human being in society. It might sound like an overstatement, but trust me, your mental state can change rapidly and drastically in a short amount of time given a the circumstances.
With that said, I don’t quite know what to do, I enjoy programming but I’m not interested in doing anything. I love reading but I can’t– I’m too lazy to find something that interests me. I love watching movies but the new ones out are hardly interesting or good in my opinion. I love to listen to music yet the genres that I’ve come to know and love have suddenly become irrelevant, distasteful. Everything I’ve enjoyed has suddenly disappeared and I can’t be bothered to put it back together.
My grades have declined, the expectations of me have grown, the dependence on me has increased and I can’t deal with it. It may sound like I’m making excuses but I’ve tried in the past and it has always failed and quite honestly, I can’t bring myself to try again.
My only real drive, real want, is to go home everyday and sleep my problems away. I want to be alone and to not have to worry about anything. I suppose that’s not possible though, with society’s expectations, requirements, etc to remain a part of it you can’t simply “not worry”.
I’m confused and lost. Not quite sure what to do. Thanks for reading.